Signs of a Spiritually Abusive Church

Any church leader that uses their Position and Teachings to CONTROL and MANIPULATE their members... is practicing Spiritual Abuse.  Somehow the good news has become the bad news. It is a subtle trap in which the ones who perpetrate spiritual abuse are just as trapped. It is the exploitation of members desire for spirituality, where power is used to bolster the position or needs of a leader, without regard for others’ well-being or over-all spiritual health.

 If you have experienced any of the following signs, you may have been a victim of spiritual abuse by a religious leader:

1. HEAVY SHEPHERDING (Authoritarian-Style Leadership) -The Apostle Paul urged believers to be imitators of him, even as he sought to be like Christ himself.  While the Scriptures teach church leaders also to be an example, it is expected that the leaders will not lord over their congregations and become controlling, denigrating, and despotic. Sadly, those who seek the favor of an abusive leader, often become imitators of him, even imitating his abusiveness toward others, and adopting his eccentricities, mannerisms, and characteristics. Thus, the abusiveness and hatefulness of the leader becomes contagious -- to the extent that the mistreatment of members may even seem normal. (Jesus – “You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles LORD it over them and their great ones exercise authority over them.  Yet it shall NOT be so among you…” –Mark 10:42-44) Jesus also said he “HATED the doctrine of the Nicolaitans” …which means to conquer the laity.  (It is a symbolic name of a party that represents the hierarchy of a ruling class over the rest of the people, developing a pecking order of fleshly leadership.) 

2. FREQUENT PREACHING FROM THE PULPIT REGARDING NOT GETTING OUT FROM UNDER THE "SPIRITUAL COVERING" of the leadership –The proper role of human under-shepherds is to lead people to the Great Shepherd, Jesus Christ, and teach them how to be His disciples, in submission to Him and His authority. Hyper-authoritarian leaders, instead, lead people to themselves, and indoctrinate them to be their followers, in total submission to them and their authority. They indoctrinate members to believe the spiritual leaders of the church themselves are the members' "spiritual covering" (a totally false and patently unbiblical concept).  And any member who ever leaves the church will be "out from under their covering," be without any covering or what they call, "uncovered," and will experience terrible curses and other horrible consequences as a result. From the pulpit often comes "stories" about what happened to such-and-so person or family, who were so spiritually “offended” or rebellious as to leave the group without the blessings and approval of the "house".  Members cannot “properly” leave the church, without the headship first “releasing” you. (The early church was taught to rely upon the inner anointing to discern.) “Covering teaching” (with the exception of Paul’s teaching on proper Husband/Wife submission to one another and to the Lord) is NOT taught in the NT in relation to proper Bishop/Member relationship. PAUL –“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ... Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. -I Cor. 11:1-3  “Obey your spiritual leaders (not covering). –Heb. 13:17.  We are to be accountable to, not “covered by" our leaders.   "For there is one God and ONE mediator between God and men, Jesus Christ." -I Tim. 2:5

3. ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY OF THE LEADERSHIP -No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body.  “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” –Eph. 5:21      

4. INDIVIDUAL LEADING BY THE HOLY SPIRIT IS MINIMIZED -Everything HAS to come from the  “head” down.  But scripture teaches… “For as many as    are LED by the Spirit of God–THEY are the Sons of God.” –Rom. 8:14 “Obey (to be persuaded by) them that have the rule (to stand before, lead, to   guide) over you.” -Heb. 13:17     Mentoring and Home Bible studies will also be prohibited or extremely limited.  “Day after day, in the temple courts AND from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ.” –Acts 5:42

5. UNSPOKEN RULES  -The people’s lives are controlled by rules. You often don’t find out they’re there till you break them.  We must never disagree with the leader or you will never be trusted and allowed to minister. Your loyalty will be suspect. When you break rules unintentionally, you will get neglected, ignored, overlooked, shunned or questioned. If you disagree publicly you will be openly censured, punished, asked to leave, or in extreme cases cursed. Silence becomes the fortress wall of protection, shielding the leader’s power position from scrutiny or challenge. 

The “can’t talk” rule is the most powerful rule. The real problem cannot be exposed. If you speak about the problem out loud, you are the problem. You must be silenced or eliminated. People will be told, “If you hadn’t made such a big deal, everything would still be fine; we didn’t have all these problems till you started stirring things up; you were “OUT OF ORDER” so it proves…”

6. PARANOIA AND INSECURITY BY THE LEADERS –Fueled by an "us vs. them” mentality.  Ex-members of the church are especially to be avoided, as they could have some "contagious off spirit” and be “against the man of God.”  When members do leave….it is simply dismissed as “they are no longer called to us…God is weeding some people out.” 

7. PRIDE AND LACK OF HUMILITY -Abusive, leavened leaders become arrogant and self-serving as they consolidate their control over their followers. If there is any appearance of humility left in them, it is nothing more than a performance intended to disguise their true nature. THE END RESULT -- A FEAR OF “MAN” INSTEAD OF PROPER FEAR OF THE LORD. 

8. ABUSE AND MISUSE OF GIFTINGS –as a means to dominate and intimidate; leadership uses their giftings to cause their members to follow themselves, instead of leading them to follow Christ.

9.    LEADERSHIP USES SCRIPTURES TO MANIPULATE MEMBERS into staying, serving, and giving. They prey upon many widely known Christian teachings and manipulate them (just enough) to still “sound right”, but their intention is to reach their own predetermined end result.  (Damage Control Messages) Such twisting of scripture, results in confusion and a constant doubt in one’s own ability to properly interpret the Word of God.  Which leads to EXTREME SUBJECTIVISM -Truth is based on feelings & experiences. People can’t understand truths until the leader receives them by revelation & imparts them. It is more important to act according to the word of a leader who has “a word” for you, than what you know is true from scripture or from your growth history.

10. MEMBERS AND/OR SUB-LEADERS MUST MAKE A "SPIRITUAL COVENANT," sometimes a signed covenant agreement, pledging their total commitment and financial support to the leadership and church/ministry.  (Widely known within “network-structured” churches.)

11. PERFORMANCE-BASED APPROVAL AND PROMOTION SYSTEM  -Obedience and Submission are the two important words that will be used here.  People end up feeling they must adhere to their formula or brand of Christianity, so they won’t become like those "out there" who don’t think like us.  People will remain loyal to avoid being shamed, to gain approval, keep their status and earn points.

12. DEVALUATION, SUPPRESSION, AND NON-RECOGNITION OF MEMBERS' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation. (Requiring members to perform menial tasks, such as cleaning toilets, setting up chairs, and acting as the leader's personal valet or slave, as a supposed means to humble them and teach them to "obey their leaders”.)

13. MINISTERING BY BACKLASHINGS AND BROWBEATINGS -This is how they immunize themselves from criticism.  I like to call it the “Pharaoh Complex”.  If you don’t conform to authority –you are rebelling.

14. LACK OF REAL SPIRITUAL FRUITS -Lying, slandering, and being downright  hateful are often the rotten fruits produced by spiritually abusive ministers as they work behind the scenes to control and manipulate their followers, rather than showing genuine love and serving their spiritual needs. While these cold-hearted Pharisees may pretend to exercise great spiritual qualities… the truth of the matter is typically the complete opposite.

15. SHADY FINANCES -Abusive leaders feel their word should suffice as to how church revenue is spent. Thus, its written, fully itemized record of finances is kept in the dark, hidden away from the members’ access, way from receiving the light of scrutiny.  You are simply expected to trust and never question.

16. LEADERS DECLARE “SPECIAL ANOINTINGS”….and you will “miss out” on what God is doing in the earth today if you are not apart of their network. 

17. MASTERS OF MICROMANAGEMENT -Abusive leaders love to stand in judgment over their followers in all areas of their lives. When an abusive leader asks certain followers for help in doing some responsibility, they typically may end up being criticized later for not doing it as well as the leader would have done it. Hence, it seems only the leader understands "true righteousness." When people are micro-managed, usually nothing they do is ever good enough. As a result, the follower’s self-confidence may be deliberately shattered as a means of control and manipulation through guilt.

18. PUBLIC EXPOSURE OF SIN  -In time, some of the covered-up, shameful sins and misdeeds of the abusive leaders are revealed.  Typically, those who bring these matters to the surface are reviled. A bitter counterattack  may be launched as a means of intimidating them into silence…along with excuses, rationalizations, and justifications will be offered as part of the damage-control efforts.  Rarely, though, will these leaders do the right thing by admitting their shortcomings and humbly offering to resign from their positions -- which they are no longer Biblically qualified to hold anyhow.  The worse shame, though, is that these leaders are so intoxicated with having authority over others that THEY CANNOT BREAK FREE FROM THEIR ADDICTION TO IT.  Thus, their position no longer is about serving others but about serving their own egos.

Departing members often suffer from various degrees of emotional and psychological stresses.  Without proper counseling and healing, most end up shipwrecked, lost in transition, or end up returning to their “comfortable” abusive environment. Much like an abusive women returns to her abuser, because it's what's familiar.

It is a closed system with rigid boundaries. There will be a perception of a lot of evil on the outside, to keep people in -much like a Matrix. There will be power posturing on the inside, to compel people to conform. Most victims of spiritually abusive churches may have major problems relating to God from the heart, which is attributed to the constant attachment of their FAITH to their COMMITMENT -in serving a man/church...rather than serving Christ.  When they leave they may be blown around like dry leaves, or easily drawn into other abusive systems.