LIFE after the Stone is Rolled Away

Recovering your Identity in Transition

So here you are…you have found yourself in a place you probably never expected to be.  Let’s begin by sharing a brief testimony that was recently submitted to us.  A former member shares what she went through when she realized that Life AT Cornerstone was no longer what she signed up for.  She is a beacon of inspiration to those who are also seeking to restore their TRUE IDENTITY…
           
          Dear Speaking Truth in Love,

“Thank you for allowing me to share a part of my story with others.  First off all I want to say to all those who left, that God WILL RESTORE all the years you spent at Cornerstone. We all have an exciting journey ahead of us as we follow God’s will for each of our individual lives.  For the first time, I am experiencing a great freedom in Christ that I never new existed.  I have never felt closer to the Lord, in so many years!

My story with Cornerstone begins almost 20 yrs. ago.  As I type this, I can honestly say that I never thought I would find myself in this position.  It’s almost surreal after having watched so many good and strong people leave over the years. Like so many, I watched and wondered what happened to them and why did they leave? Being that I was a dedicated, tithing member for almost two decades, let’s just say that’s a lot of years of indoctrination for lack of a better word.  It has now been a year since I first started to gradually pull away from the church.  And as much as I have enjoyed my new found freedom, initially it was one of the most difficult choices I ever had to make.  Cornerstone was "the place" - "the church that had it going on" and Michael was the anointed one with the revelation that no one else seemed to have. So, how could this be happening to me? It used to be a place of joy for me and I have received many wonderful deliverances there in the earlier years. However, things have changed since and it's like my eyes have been opened to a very different spirit there. 

Despite the disappointment in what “could have been”, I am moving forward with my life.  However, I never thought I would face so much disorientation and doubt after leaving a church. Who would have thought that getting back to the basic foundations of the Word would be the antidote?  It's just not normal to have to "deprogram" your mind or at least I am not aware of others who leave churches and need "deprogramming". I guess that's probably because most church folks are not guilted to stay or told about the bad things that will happen if they get out from under "covering".  Again, lots of doctrine to sort through.

With that being said, I had to go deeper into the root issues of my attachment to Cornerstone.  I discovered that part of my unhealthy bond to this church, was because I developed an unhealthy connection to a man and his mission.  Of course this was always encouraged from the platform.  Being that we were always told to “find your place” and “stay connected by giving and serving”.  So, I gave them what they “wanted” and in exchange I got what I “needed” -a “place to belong”.  Every Thursday and Sunday, I had a place that I needed to be, as I served endlessly in different departments within the church.  My friends and I would often talk about how we were so lucky to be apart of something so big.  There was no other place to be and Pastor was “one of a kind”.  Although I use to really admire and look up to Pastor Pitts, now looking back I cannot honestly say I ever really “knew” him.  It was more like knowing an actor and his "illusion” of a Pastor's Role that I knew, which is really sad to say the least. 

When I first left, I spent a lot of time reflecting on “What really happened?”  “Why didn’t I see this coming?”.  I came to the conclusion that all my answers would not come overnight, this would be a journey.  So I decided to keep moving forward and find another local church to attend while trusting God with the process.   Upon my first Sunday in 20 yrs. visiting a new church, I felt I stuck out like a sore thumb, to say the least.  The old fears came upon me, causing me to wonder did the Lord leave me because I left Cornerstone?  Would God’s blessing follow me to a new church and pastor?  Why do I feel so guilty for being here?  However, I decided to push through my fears and enjoy the service without feeling the need to analyze it to pieces. 

As I walked around looking for a seat, I remember finding myself at the front of the church.  I expected ushers to close in on me any minute and shirk me away for violating some proper protocol rule…but nothing.  Wow, this is different I thought.  It was like being bound and then suddenly discovering I was already free; the pressure of possibly doing something “wrong” was simply no longer there and it was refreshing!  After the service was over, the Pastor came up to me and said “Hi, how are you?”  I felt a little embarrassed, but couldn’t stop a sudden flow of tears right infront of this complete stranger.  I explained to him that I couldn’t understand why I felt such a heavy burden of guilt for simply attending another church.  He told me.. “Because GUILT is in that house”.  Wow..there it was!  I was allowing the control tactics that were used on me in Cornerstone to STILL control me outside of Cornerstone.  This was especially true of my emotions.  I thanked the Pastor for his compassion and he called over his wife to pray with me.  As I walked out the door that morning, I truly realized that at times FREEDOM is subjective.  Freedom is always there, but sometimes our perception of the past clouds our view of the land we live in today.  TODAY IS MY FUTURE I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR! 

I realized that my identity had been wrapped up in a church; even somewhat corrupted by the teachings and leadership methods I sat under for years.  However, it will be up to ME to recover it.  I would have to be the one to get back into the Word and stop attaching my identity to a man’s vision instead of toward my personal relationship with Christ.  I did this for years at Cornerstone, without even recognizing it.  Since that revelation, I realized that “Church” is not a building.  I am apart of The Church, because I am a Child of God. And I am free to follow the Voice of God toward the place(s) HE chooses for me to join my efforts in helping others.  This may or may not be indefinitely defined by one particular local church..  It’s wherever the Good Shepherd leads me.  My prayer is that all reading this will find FREEDOM in following the VOICE of the Holy Spirit as He stirs truth within you…Just keep walking.”

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Thank you for sharing your testimony "Confused No More", below are my thoughts about recovering your identity... (short and sweet)

What is the definition of IDENTITY?

The collective aspect of the set of characteristics by which a person is definitively recognizable or known.  And as Christians, we know that TRUE IDENTITY can only be discovered through a personal relationship with our Creator.  According to Col. 3 --“you have been raised with Christ” -“ your life is now hidden with Christ in God”.

Phil. 3:8-11 -- Here Paul writes: “More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord for whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ and may be found in Him not having a righteousness of my own derived from the law (works) but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings...”

From the above scriptures, we clearly see that your authentic identity is derived INTERNALLY by your relationship with God through Christ Jesus.  However, when we belong to a particular church for a long period of time, it can become easy to gradually begin shifting our identity to the things that are EXTERNAL instead.  In the church world, the external would be the "Relationships" and the "Roles" you served over the years.  Maybe you were an usher, choir member, or children’s worker for several years.  Human nature has a tendency to cause us to identify ourselves by the people, places, and things that are most familiar to us.  There is nothing wrong finding people to “identify with”…meaning that you have mutual agreement.  The problem lies when you begin to solely attribute your “identity to” a particular group of people.  And we begin to believe:  “This is who I am, because this is where I am and what I do." 

What about the ever-present "social pressures" that measure and identify us by our constant pursuit of "new levels".  No one wants to ever risk "looking" like they aren't BLESSED -so family problems and financial issues are often suffered in silence as we put our "church masks" on for the show.  We all play up to that IMAGE that says "I'm endlessly committed to serving the vision of the house at all costs."  Remember, no one wants to risk "looking like" they aren't "going all the way".  So we must keep an IMAGE that is approved by headship...conforming into "his likeness and image".  Of course Pastors, Ministry Departments, and Church Visions aren’t necessarily “bad” in and of themselves.  Everything has a proper place -absolutely.  However, those relationships and roles become toxic and unhealthy the very minute we begin to attach our identity to them.    Friends, OUR IDENTITY is not wrapped in a "level", a building, a person, or a position.  It is to be wrapped around the Lordship of Jesus Christ.  But when we allow ourselves and others to determine our value by the status we hold  within a church or the roles we play within them --the end result is always a traumatic loss.

Most dedicated long-time members experience a season of disillusionment when they initially leave Cornerstone.  Especially those who have been raised in the church or have no other church experience as a point of reference.  These individuals (especially) will feel the grief of losing what became the center of their life …for so many years.  And even though, they may see the truth "behind the the scenes", it doesn’t make the emotional aspect of it all any easier.  With that being said ---It is vital in this season, to have solid emotional and spiritual support to keep from getting lost in the waves of transition.

So…Why DO members experience traumatic loss when they first leave? 

1)  Simply Put:  You wrapped your IDENTITY around “who you are” at Cornerstone vs. who you ARE in Christ. 

So after you leave, you experience a sort of “Identity Crisis” by the initial loss and disillusionment.  (A feeling that arises from the discovery that something is not what it was anticipated to be).  This of course varies in degrees depending on how long and how deep your identity was wrapped up in Cornerstone.   It will also vary in degree by how much of your FAITH in God, was equated to your SERVICE in "the House".  But HOLD ON…this is the vital process ALL are taken through as The Holy Spirit begins to reprioritize your values and sift through a lot of what you've been taught.  Be confident and don’t run away.  Resist the temptation to look back at Egypt and especially don’t revert back to your old methods of coping with loss/change.  Rest assured that God will restore Sound Doctrine and what a powerful new wave of REVELATION you will begin to experience!  You’ll also be renewed by a paradigm shift in your mentality.  The things that use to be “so important” to your church world experience, will also go through the wash.  These various waves of transformation should never be skipped over or rushed through, for they are priceless. 

2)  Trauma also occurs when you first leave because --What is being “sold and promised” in the idealistic cult of personality environment, can never be truly fulfilled; it’s like chasing an ever evading cloud.  The collective sense conveyed is:  “There is something we are part of that is greater than we are and, at ALL cost, IT comes first.”  The idea is so all-pervading that no one DARE QUESTION what the something is or your allegiance to it.  This reminds me of the “Wizard of Oz”.  A little man behind a curtain creating a world with the “illusion” of a special people, with special powers, on their way to a special destination.    Wow…sounds like a great fairy tale, but the problem is that it’s not the Bible.  The truth is (as with the Tin Man) you ALREADY HAVE everything you need on the inside of you and you don’t NEED the approval of “man” to access it!!  Remember, Peter taught us that the ANOINTING cannot be bought by man, because it is not given by Man –but only given by Holy Spirit.

Often it’s the appeal to your pride that gets you INTO a movement and committed to that movement.  And it’s the fear tactics that KEEP you in, even when you know you should leave.  A movement’s destiny is found in one place and in one place only, and that is in the hidden recesses of the heart of the man who leads that group.  For better or for worse, it is the hidden motives of his heart that dictate what the movement will become.

CORRUPTED IDENTITY
Friends, it’s YOUR responsibility to GUARD YOUR IDENTITY.  When we are subject to spiritually abusive leaders who speak into our lives, our identity can become corrupted by assimilation.  You wouldn’t place your wallet or purse in the hands of another person would you?  So why would you treat your precious Identity any different?  God forbid the condition it may be returned to you in!  Unfortunately, this is exactly what we practice when we place our purpose and future solely in the hands of another…allowing them to direct our paths and usurp the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives.  We treat the things that are precious, as common. 

In a Spiritually Abusive Church, leaders become empowered by the misappropriation of power and a psychological need for total control.  This is demonstrated in many ways.  One of which is creating an atmosphere where members begin to believe that their “call” is to serve their Pastor indefinitely --or until HE releases them.  Sounds more like a “Pharaoh Complex” to me.  This is completely unscriptural and totally irresponsible.  This causes the member to suffer psychologically, because they are GUILTED into staying when God says it’s time to go.  Members often fear “missing the will of God” and “leaving or separating family”.  Why are men so arrogant as to think themselves special enough to do this whole task of restoration in 20 years?  The best we workers can possibly do is shield a group of young men and women from the present-day Christendom’s corruption, give them a healthy and positive environment to grow up in, point them to the deep things of Christ, give them a church life at the best it can now be experienced, and press them beyond our spiritual growth and our personal limits.  Then hope that they will reach for the stars.  Hope that they will pass on to the next generation an experience of Christ—and His church—higher than anything the last generation has known or can know.   And no “One” is qualified in any one generation, to make the necessary leap to restore ALL THINGS needing restoration.  What am I saying?  Impartation into the next generation is NOT done simply through the “laying on of hands”.  Impartation into the next generation, is done through LEADING BY EXAMPLE …OF BIBLICAL TRUTHS. 

At the end of the day, all leaders will be held accountable for their deeds; a Day of reckoning will come.  In the meantime, it's OUR responsibility to watch over what God has entrusted us with.  And HIS PLANS FOR YOUR LIFE usually doesn’t end completely defined by one particular “Pitt-Stop”.  We must be able to keep moving forward and ask ourselves this very reflecting question, “Was it really authoritarianism that did us in?”  Or rather better said this way -- It was a second-rate approach to restoration by men not quite up to the job…plus our very willing decision to join in.  In order to fully regain your true identity, one must reflect on what attracted them in the first place to a particular group of people.  If we don’t TAKE THE TIME during transition to look deeper into the recesses of our OWN HEART…history will repeat itself somewhere else and lessons learned will be lost.

Let's believe for a future that contains better days and better men, higher standards of living a life according to Gal. 2:20- “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”  Let this testimony be the life of those who proclaim and those who respond. 

I say, “This is your moment!  Go and RECOVER YOUR IDENTITY…
your promised land is waiting for YOU.”